Enter in thy good & faithful servant.
My mind has been flooded with thoughts lately. Especially about death...morbid, I know. I find myself wishing I had a pensieve, you know, like Dumbledore has in the Harry Potter series (if you haven't read the books, he is able to "syphon" off his excess thoughts, put them in his handy dandy pensieve and watch them in chronological order as he wishes.).
I have seen a lot of death in the past 9 years. Some of these were ones who we would say "weren't ready", what I mean is that they weren't old; they were in the middle of living. Some of these deaths were people who you would consider "ready", they had lived long full lives.
9 years ago we lost a friend & sister in Christ to domestic violence, her husband killed her. She was just a couple years older than me & she was taken from her 2 precious children. 6 years ago, my 1st cousin was killed in a one car accident, he left behind his wife & 2 precious children. Then just a few years later his youngest brother, my favorite childhood playmate, died from a drug overdose. He was only a year younger than me.
A few months ago another precious friend & sister in Christ (who happened to be the mother of my friend who was murdered) passed away very unexpectedly (the same family also lost their son to heart problems, he was my husband's age). How must the father who is left raising his daughter's children feel?! How do the children feel. They have lost TWO mothers in this life. I literally can *not* put myself in their shoes. Also, a couple of years ago, another friend buried her husband who was just a couple years older than mine. Plus, we have lost 2 Godly women from our congregation who weren't "old enough" to die. In the midst of these deaths there have been several who have passed from this life that I would consider "ready". For example, just last week we lost a precious Christian lady who had been a wife for 73 years...SEVENTY THREE! How her husband is going to miss her, I can't imagine! But she told him she was ready to "go home". She was what I would call "ready".
I am going around the train track of thought here. :) I promise, I do have a point.
Last night I was lying in bed with my 12 year old daughter asleep on my right side and my 9 year old son snuggled up on my left. My mind started wandering. I thought about my Aunt who has had to bury 3 of her 4 children. What might she have done differently if she had known they would be taken from her when they became adults? I held mine even tighter with tears in my eyes. I want to make more time for them, more time for listening to them, more cuddles, more kisses. I need to be a better example to them. They are going to be leaving me before I know it to live their own lives & all I can do is pray for their protection & that they make Christ-like decisions.
I thought of the father who is left to raise his 2 grandchildren alone & how it must feel for him to see their faces and think of his daughter who was taken from him so tragically. I think of how lonely he must feel after the sudden loss of his companion, his best friend, his helper, his wife.
I thought of the elderly man from our church who is lying in the hospital in the last moments of his life & of his wife of 65 years. Having to say goodbye to someone you've loved for so long...just because you see it coming doesn't make it any easier to accept than the deaths you don't see coming!
As I stroked my daughter's hair & kissed my son's forehead I begged God to let them live full & happy lives. It. scares. me. to. death. to think of losing them or my husband. They are my world. I can't see the future, I don't know where the paths of life will lead; I do know that God will light it as I go though. He says His word is like a lamp unto my feet & a light on my path. I have to trust Him to guide my steps. One day at a time. I pray that my children will never stray from the path I am trying to lead them down. The path of righteousness, that narrow path that leads to everlasting life.
The Bible Project has an episode on the book of Ecclesiastes that you should go watch. Here is an excerpt from their website that gives a summary:
One of the teachers said, "The best time to plant a shade tree was 30 years ago! The next best time is now."-Clark Sims. Don't wait to make things right. If you need to forgive someone for something, including yourself, get on with it. Forgive & move on. You can *NOT* change the past, but you can shape your future! I have an old album from the late 1800's. There is a quote in there that has planted itself in my brain & grown roots. "Think not of the past or future. The present is all thou hast, future will soon be present. Present shall soon be past."- signed, Yours Respectfully, Geo. H. Sweet
January 29th, 1880
I am only 35 years old; there is so much packed in my past already, but if I live a "long, full life" I have even more future left to me & that is what matters. My jumbled thoughts lead me to the fact that I want to learn from my past. I want to learn from the things I have seen, the deaths I have witnessed, the hurt I have felt & the joys as well. I want to grow from the past, not live in it. I want my legacy to be something that my children's children's children will be proud of. I want to live in this moment, for the Lord & nothing else. When my time comes, I want to be able to speak the words Paul spoke in 2 Timothy 4:7-8, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.". My precious Grandaddy also prayed these words at the end of every prayer I heard him pray.
These words written by Robert Gay explain how I want to live my life from now until the end of it:
On bended knee I come
With a humble heart I come
Bowing down before your holy throne
Lifting holy hands to You
As I pledge my love anew
I worship You in spirit
I worship You in truth
Make my life a holy praise unto You
Life is truly fleeting. Don't waste a single moment. Give your life to God. Obey HIS Gospel. Life isn't worth the living if it isn't for HIM!
I have seen a lot of death in the past 9 years. Some of these were ones who we would say "weren't ready", what I mean is that they weren't old; they were in the middle of living. Some of these deaths were people who you would consider "ready", they had lived long full lives.
9 years ago we lost a friend & sister in Christ to domestic violence, her husband killed her. She was just a couple years older than me & she was taken from her 2 precious children. 6 years ago, my 1st cousin was killed in a one car accident, he left behind his wife & 2 precious children. Then just a few years later his youngest brother, my favorite childhood playmate, died from a drug overdose. He was only a year younger than me.
A few months ago another precious friend & sister in Christ (who happened to be the mother of my friend who was murdered) passed away very unexpectedly (the same family also lost their son to heart problems, he was my husband's age). How must the father who is left raising his daughter's children feel?! How do the children feel. They have lost TWO mothers in this life. I literally can *not* put myself in their shoes. Also, a couple of years ago, another friend buried her husband who was just a couple years older than mine. Plus, we have lost 2 Godly women from our congregation who weren't "old enough" to die. In the midst of these deaths there have been several who have passed from this life that I would consider "ready". For example, just last week we lost a precious Christian lady who had been a wife for 73 years...SEVENTY THREE! How her husband is going to miss her, I can't imagine! But she told him she was ready to "go home". She was what I would call "ready".
I am going around the train track of thought here. :) I promise, I do have a point.
Last night I was lying in bed with my 12 year old daughter asleep on my right side and my 9 year old son snuggled up on my left. My mind started wandering. I thought about my Aunt who has had to bury 3 of her 4 children. What might she have done differently if she had known they would be taken from her when they became adults? I held mine even tighter with tears in my eyes. I want to make more time for them, more time for listening to them, more cuddles, more kisses. I need to be a better example to them. They are going to be leaving me before I know it to live their own lives & all I can do is pray for their protection & that they make Christ-like decisions.
I thought of the father who is left to raise his 2 grandchildren alone & how it must feel for him to see their faces and think of his daughter who was taken from him so tragically. I think of how lonely he must feel after the sudden loss of his companion, his best friend, his helper, his wife.
I thought of the elderly man from our church who is lying in the hospital in the last moments of his life & of his wife of 65 years. Having to say goodbye to someone you've loved for so long...just because you see it coming doesn't make it any easier to accept than the deaths you don't see coming!
As I stroked my daughter's hair & kissed my son's forehead I begged God to let them live full & happy lives. It. scares. me. to. death. to think of losing them or my husband. They are my world. I can't see the future, I don't know where the paths of life will lead; I do know that God will light it as I go though. He says His word is like a lamp unto my feet & a light on my path. I have to trust Him to guide my steps. One day at a time. I pray that my children will never stray from the path I am trying to lead them down. The path of righteousness, that narrow path that leads to everlasting life.
The Bible Project has an episode on the book of Ecclesiastes that you should go watch. Here is an excerpt from their website that gives a summary:
"The Book of Ecclesiastes is the critic's response to Proverbs, which
states we live a good life when we fear God and follow wisdom. This
book's author and the teacher believe that life is hevel, temporary and
fleeting like smoke or vapor. We all try to build meaning and purpose in
life apart from God, investing in pursuits and things that have no
lasting meaning, but time marches on, we all die and bad things happen
to good people.
In the end, the key to contentment comes from wisdom, accepting hevel, fearing God, keeping His commandments and putting our trust in Him. We remain puzzled by life's mysteries, but He will bring true justice that fuels our ability to live lives of honesty and integrity.
The last weekend of December we went to Exposure Youth Camp. The theme was "Journey". We heard so many wonderful lessons but the ones that stuck with me were the fact that the life I am living now is creating a legacy for my grand children, my great-great grand children. Lives that I haven't even thought about will be affected by my actions today. The journey I am on requires me to plan for the future. In the end, the key to contentment comes from wisdom, accepting hevel, fearing God, keeping His commandments and putting our trust in Him. We remain puzzled by life's mysteries, but He will bring true justice that fuels our ability to live lives of honesty and integrity.
One of the teachers said, "The best time to plant a shade tree was 30 years ago! The next best time is now."-Clark Sims. Don't wait to make things right. If you need to forgive someone for something, including yourself, get on with it. Forgive & move on. You can *NOT* change the past, but you can shape your future! I have an old album from the late 1800's. There is a quote in there that has planted itself in my brain & grown roots. "Think not of the past or future. The present is all thou hast, future will soon be present. Present shall soon be past."- signed, Yours Respectfully, Geo. H. Sweet
January 29th, 1880
I am only 35 years old; there is so much packed in my past already, but if I live a "long, full life" I have even more future left to me & that is what matters. My jumbled thoughts lead me to the fact that I want to learn from my past. I want to learn from the things I have seen, the deaths I have witnessed, the hurt I have felt & the joys as well. I want to grow from the past, not live in it. I want my legacy to be something that my children's children's children will be proud of. I want to live in this moment, for the Lord & nothing else. When my time comes, I want to be able to speak the words Paul spoke in 2 Timothy 4:7-8, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.". My precious Grandaddy also prayed these words at the end of every prayer I heard him pray.
These words written by Robert Gay explain how I want to live my life from now until the end of it:
On bended knee I come
With a humble heart I come
Bowing down before your holy throne
Lifting holy hands to You
As I pledge my love anew
I worship You in spirit
I worship You in truth
Make my life a holy praise unto You
Life is truly fleeting. Don't waste a single moment. Give your life to God. Obey HIS Gospel. Life isn't worth the living if it isn't for HIM!
